In my last post, I shared a poem of mine that was selected to be in an exhibition aimed at increasing mental health awareness. The following poem of mine was not accepted into the exhibition. I feel bummed out about that since I feel like this poem convey even more emotion then the first.. No need to worry though. I have this lovely blog where I can publish whatever I want. How cool is that?
Not only do I have cerebral palsy, I deal with depression. I do acknowledge my cerebral palsy contributes to my depression. I mean, how can it not? I have had to deal with frustrations and being misunderstood from the time I can remember. Plus, cerebral palsy is a brain injury of some kind, and depression is a result of imbalanced brain chemicals. To me, it seems like the cp would effect the depression. However, the cerebral palsy isn’r the sole, or even largest, factor.
First, I know people with cerebral palsy who don’t deal with clinical depression. Secondly, I have family members who deal with depression but not physical disabilities.
I hate depression. I see no purpose in it. At least, I see some some purpose in my cerebral palsy in that I get to interact with the universe differently, which challenges the status quo of life.
To me, depression is a complete disconnection, a glimpse of hell. Mere sadness, it is not.
Sadness vs Numbness by Jody Michele Powers
Give me sadness
With its grey skies
My heart ripped into two
Let me sob
Let listen to gut wrenching songs
Let me write dark and dreary poetry
Let me share my woes to all
About the unfairness and hurt
That my senses perceive whenever I breathe
Yes, give me this sadness, that has a clear cause
This sadness that I hate: Give me that: For my own sake
Sadness is natural; a part of human life
Barely on the spectrum
When I compare it to Numbness.
Grey skies vs blackness nothing
Heart in two vs non-feeling beats
An inorganic place called the Abyss
Where Numbness holds myself
Not song, word, or voice allowed
Not even the grace of sadness can present its self
Just me and Numbness
And empty thoughts of blankness
No one in; no one out
The world’s simple notion of depression as sad sadness
Gives no justice to the Numbness of the Abyss
So, please, may I have sadness?
Do you deal with depression? Are you able to express it through a way that empowers you and connects you with others.?
Dealing with depression is rough and so very complicated. You are not “less then” because of it. I hope you grasp that fact.
Keep being brave.