Hey, remember the other day when I warned you that I was going to write about more controversial disability-related issues? Well, last night, I dove a little bit into healthcare. (Yeah, I went there.) Tonight, I will be focusing on why I align myself as a follower of Jesus. (Yeah, I am going there, too.) Since this is a heavy subject for me to write about, I will be breaking up my insights on God in two posts. I think you will understand why.
Through reading through my posts, you may know that for most of my life, I have struggled with believing I had to prove my worth to the world. I had to make up for my disability. After all, I believed, I was too much of a burden. I was too much of a bother. I didn’t look like the other girls.. I slowed people down. I held them back. Church people constantly prayed for my healing, confirming that there was something wrong with me. My mom was overwhelmed with taking care of me because she didn’t have supported services. My dad had my brothers visit him way more than me because my dad didn’t exactly know what to do with my disability.
Teachers had to be coaxed to let me enter their classrooms.
This all told me, I had to compensate for having cerebral palsy. I tried so hard to be good. Being good meant bottling up my emotions, being the emotional support of anyone who needed it. It meant top grades and extracurricular activities. I was bond and determined to show that I belonged and worthy.
I really thought I had done a speculator job of proving that I was a regular person. I was bound to have a successful life. I fell into despair at my high school.award ceremony. LEven though I worked my pants off to graduate sixth in my class, with Honors, I wasn’t awarded one scholarship from my community. The other top ten graduates had received at least one scholarship from our local businesses. When I pressed the guidance counselor, he said everyone knew the government would fund my college. To me, it said that my community didn’t see me as one of their own. I was not believed in as much as my counter partners. So, I did want I have always done: I resolved to work even harder to show the world I had something to offer.
After another year of playing this game, Jesus spoke to me about how I didn’t have to prove my my worth to Him. I would love to say this was the end of my struggles, but no, the lies and demons of this world aren’t defeated that easy. If I say that I am free today, it is because Jesus never gave up on me. I find it so ironic that despite of all the progress and Enlightenment we humans claim to have, I found my worth and dignity in Jesus, God who came down in flesh. Me, a person with severe disabilities. More on this tomorrow.
Let’s Keep Being Brave..